我的忧郁青春

我从不写评语，这次之所以写是因为这是一部很好的侧面介绍抑郁症的片子。（给5星也就是这个原因）
因为我就是抑郁症患者，看片子感同身受。片中对于抑郁者的描绘比较贴切。我在其中看到了自己。
从中可以看到抑郁症产生的部分原因，得上抑郁症后人的心理状态、思维方式。国内很少有这方面的宣传。大多数人把抑郁症当成是无病呻吟，但只有得过的人才知道它的真实存在。
因为我就是抑郁症患者，看片子感同身受。片中对于抑郁者的描绘比较贴切。我在其中看到了自己。
我想这部片子更适合那些有好朋友或是亲人的抑郁症的人来看。可以侧面了解他（她）现在的处境。他们真的需要你的帮助。
片中的好友和女主角的男友相对于普通人来说做的已经很好了。其实要求更多确是强求。但如果你真想帮助他，一定要注意方法，推荐安德鲁所罗门的《忧郁》，其中有更多的描述。

喜欢女主角的疯癫和抓狂
那是不理解的人无法理解的
有些世界没人能了解
因为发誓饱和思想的世界
蠢钝的家伙只能看却不能体会的世界

思想的不羁
精神的束缚

影片最后称美国每年开出超过300，000，000的百忧解处方笺用于抵抗抑郁症，中国呢？


马马虎虎的校园片，这样类似的少女剧情让我不得不联想到娄烨《颐和园》中的姑娘余红。同样是单亲早熟，名牌大学，清华-哈佛，余红-lizzie。初入大学城的她们都用习惯用敏锐的眼神和亢奋的纸笔来抵抗来自身体内部的不安分情绪。她们都聪明漂亮并且天生冷漠，并非是只有满足这样条件的姑娘就会得抑郁症，她们看似桀骜不驯离经叛道，实际上对爱情理想化的一厢情愿也都让她们身心疲惫。没人能解释一个年轻人的忧伤，他们装在透明的盒子里对着外面的眼光大喊大叫，自己却无力伸出手去握紧对方，告诉他们自己实际上是多么懦弱。

抑郁的青春不会只因为父母失败的婚姻，离异家庭的生活压力，父母畸形的期望值，过分的溺爱，gigs，摇滚乐，性解放，致幻剂，宽容放纵的大学生活，颠倒的作息时间，破处party，或者你是一个能写乐评的漂亮妞而让你想要割腕自杀。

或许还有更多的理由 你说呢？

The same way I went down, I came back up...|这一切似乎再次演绎的那句名言 ...

...gradually, and then suddenly.|...逐渐，然后突然。

The pills weren't a cure-all, God knows...|药物治疗不是万能的，天晓得 ...

...but they gave me breathing space...|...但是他们给我改变的可能 ...

...which allowed me to start writing again.|它让我得以再次拿起写作的笔。

Only this time it wasn't as if my life depended on it.|只是这次，他已不是我生命的唯一支柱。

七年后，伊丽莎白.沃泽尔的《少女初体验》出版了， 并且很快就成为了一本畅销全世界的读物。

仅仅在美国，每年就有3亿人次在使用着各种镇静剂。

====================================================

you gonna sleep with me tonight?|你今晚与我发生关系吗？

Don't say I didn't warn you.|别说我没警告过你。

- What's that supposed to mean? - It means don't say I didn't warn you.|-你指的是什么？ -就是别说我没警告过你。

Great.|很好。

I've been wanting so badly for sex to happen the right way...|我一直是如此的渴望性交能以这样一种完美的方式来临 ...

...with the right person, at the right time, in the right place.|与适当的人，在适当的时候，在适当的地方。

=================================================

I'd been saving my virginity for someone who truly loves me...|我一直保留着我的贞洁等待着那个真正爱我的人...

...who really knows the inside of me.|...那个真正进入我内心的男孩。

Noah wasn't it.|诺厄不是这样的人。

He told me afterwards that, in terms of absolute value...|他后来告诉给我，根据绝对价值观 ...

...sex and drugs were equally meaningless to him.|...性交和吸毒一样对他而言毫无意义。

Just two different ways to have fun.|仅仅是两种不同的寻求快乐的方法。

Which is all well and good...|两个都很不错 ...

...until a girl tries to have the same approach.|...只是性交还需要再有一个女孩。

=============================================

Lizzie, he's your father. He loves you.|利兹，他是你的父亲。他爱你。

No, you don't know what it was like.|不，你不知道这些事情。

When I was 8, we went to see The Last Waltz.|在我8岁时，我们最后一次一起去看华尔兹舞。

He passed out on tranquilizers.|舞会上他却因使用镇静剂昏厥。

I had to sit through the movie three fucking times before he woke up.|我一个人坐着，过了足够3部电影的时间，他才清醒。

What kind of a person does that?|现在你能理解他是怎么一种人了？

I didn't realize.|不可想象。

======================================

That article...|那篇文章 ...

...it was just wish fulfillment.|那只是美好的愿望。

I was writing about how I wanted things to be.|我写的只是我真心希望的结果。

The way people talked about it...|人们总是那样看待它 ...

...the way you talked about it, it made it seem real.|...如同你也那样看待的，好像这些就是真实的了。

Well, maybe it can be.|好吧，也许是这样的。

No. It's just a dream I held on to for way too long.|不。这只是一个我保守的太久了的梦罢了。

I'm happy here. I don't need him anymore.|我能来这里仅仅是因为运气，我再也不要见到他了。

===============================================

His words twist and grind and hammer out a story for the brain...|他的说词荒诞，琐碎，将记忆砸成碎片 ...

...but his guitar and voice go straight for your heart.|...而他的吉他和唱声足以直穿你的心扉。

Music bellows from his insides, and out comes the struggles of the world.|音乐在他的身体里怒吼，翻滚着冲出。

Springsteen' like this garage-mechanic poet.|斯普林斯廷，这位象机修工一样诗人。

Music bellows from his insides.|他的肚子是音乐的风箱。

Out comes the struggles of the world, of knowledge that comes with perfec...|翻滚着冲出的音符，如此完美 ...

It' like he feels with knowledge that goes back through ages...|这种感觉，就像是在返老返童 ...

...to a single chord in our brains. That beacon that can be touched...|美丽的音符从一根根琴弦上跃然而下，冲刷着人们疲惫的灵魂 ...

He has the power of pure emotion.|如此纯净的情感。

Emotions so intense the body literally must do something...|不安的心绪使我们萌发了欲望的冲动 ...

- Out comes the struggles... - Fuck.|-激烈的斗争着 ... -该死的。

====================================================

I'm falling.|我很失落。

I can't even finish my article.|我甚至不能完成我的文章。

Maybe Noah' right. It' all a scribble.|或许诺厄是正确的。 那仅仅是一些胡乱的涂写。

I don't really have anything original to say.|我没有任何独创的风格。

Writing can't save me.|写作不能救我。

Even Harvard can't save me.|即使哈佛也不能救我。

How can I escape from the demons in my head?|我该如何逃离这些魔鬼似的胡思乱想？

====================================================

Hemingway has this classic moment in The Sun Also Rises.|当海明威完成他的巨著《太阳依然升起》时，也曾有过他最辉煌的时刻。

When someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt...|当某人问麦克·坎贝尔 他怎么会破产时 ...

...all he can say is, "Gradually, then suddenly."|他能说的全部是， "逐渐， 然后突然。 "

That' how depression hits.|那就是沮丧的破坏力。

You wake up one morning afraid that you're going to live.|当你清晨起来，惊恐地发现自己还得活下去。

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打电话+
I raise her! I raise her all by myself with no help from you!|我抚养了她！我一个人把她抚养长大，你从未给我过一点帮助！

No help from me? I'm the one that does everything, I never get credit!|我从未给过一点帮助吗？我做了全部的事情，却从未得到过一丁点赞许！

You make all the decisions, and they blow up in your face!|是你做出全部的决定，最终眼睁睁看着他们彻底破灭！

- Do they not? - What are you talking about?|-然道不是吗？ -你说什么？

You do nothing for her! You do nothing for her!|你什么也没为她做过！ 你什么也没为她做过！

You never even see her!|你甚至从未来看过她！

You don't take her on vacations. You don't take her on the weekends.|你在度假时不会带他去。 你周末也从不陪她玩。

What the hell do you ever do for her, Donald?|你还以为你为他做过什么吗，唐纳德？

I am her father. I put her in the clinic, and you're looking in Manhattan.|我是她的父亲。我带她去医疗所， 然后你正好在曼哈顿看护她。

You son of a bitch! Goddamn, I hate you! I hate you!|你这狗娘养的！ 唐纳德，我恨你！ 我恨你！

I hate you, you son of a bitch!|我憎恶你，你这个狗娘养的！
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What I want is for someone to understand...|我所需要的仅仅是别人的理解 ...

...but they don't, really.|但却没有人是真心的，没有。

That makes the platitudes harder to bear.|那种陈词滥调令人难以忍受。

====================================================

Do you remember the first thing you wrote?|你记得自己写过的第一样作品吗？

A poem.|一首诗。

A poem. About what?|一首诗。 关于什么的？

My dad.|我的爸爸。

Can you remember anything it said?|你还记得那是怎样写的吗？

I told you, I don't wanna talk about my childhood.|我告诉过你，我不想要谈论我的童年。

I just... I feel so stupid, sitting in therapy.|我只不过 ...感到可笑，我现在居然坐在治疗室。

People have much harder childhoods than mine.|有许多人有比我们艰难得多的童年。

We're not talking about others. We're talking about you.|我们不必去讨论其他人。 现在说的是你。

I'll give her that much.|我告诉了她那么多。

I'm the problem.|我就是问题。

I worry about being in therapy.|我很担心接受这些治疗。

I worry about not being in therapy.|我更担心没有这些治疗。

I even worry I'm not entertaining enough for Dr. Sterling.|我甚至担心我会让斯特林博士对我彻底失去兴趣。

I just keep thinking that if I could just be normal...|我现在多希望自己只是个普通人 ...

...if I could just get out of bed in the morning, everything would be okay.|...我只祈求每天早上快快乐乐的醒来，这就够了。

Well, what do you think normal is?|嗯，你认为怎样算是正常？

Most people, they cut themselves, they put a Band-Aid on, keep going.|大多数人，当他们弄伤了自己， 他们就用绷带给自己包扎，继续前进。

And what do you do?|那么你呢？

I just keep bleeding.|我会让伤口肆意的流血。

So you think being normal is having a wound, putting a patch on it...|你认为正常人就是把自己弄伤，有若无其事的去包扎...

...then go on with your life?|然后继续原来的生活吗？

Isn't that what functioning is?|这就是绷带的作用吧？

Isn't that what living is?|这不是正是所谓的生活吗？

You know, you keep going, no matter what happens to you.|你知道，生活就会这样继续，不论发生什么。

Is that the way you wanna live?|那就是你所希望的生活吗？

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和R打完电话
Rafe didn't seem to realize...|雷夫似乎还未意识到...

...he'd just been appointed to save my life.|我已将拯救自己的全部希望寄托于他。

==================================================

这也是我想对妈妈说的话

I dream about all the things I wish I'd said.|我梦见我向妈妈说出了我真心要说的那些话。

The opposite of what came out of my mouth.|与我今天所说的正好相反。

I wish I'd said, "Mom, please forgive me.|我希望对妈妈说，"妈妈，请原谅我。

Please help me.|请帮助我。

============================================

- Hello. - Hey.|-你好。 -喂。

- Hi. - How' my birthday girl?|-嗨。 -生日过得怎样，我的女儿？

You're late. You're a day late.|你迟到了。你晚了一天。

What can I say, you know how it is.|我能说什么呢，你知道为什么。

Anyway, I thought I'd have to be dealing with your secretary by now.|不论如何，我认为我只能在现在和你私下交流。

You're such a bigshot journalist, writing for Rolling Stone.|你是一个多么风光的记者，为滚石乐队创作。

- Did you read it? - You know...|-你读过那篇文章了吗？ -你知道的 ...

...remember this, they're lucky to have you.

These guys, they're smart. They're really smart.|这些人，他们很精明。 他们真的很棒。

They know what they're doing. They can see talent.|他们知道他们正做什么。他们能看见从不埋没人才。

I'm probably gonna get assignments all over the country...|我能跟着他们环游全国...

...so I could maybe come visit you.|也许我会顺便去看望你。

Who are you talking to, Lizzie?|你在和谁说话，利兹？

- It's no one. - Who is it?|-没有人。 -谁的电话？

- It's no one. - Don't listen to her.|-与你无关。 -不要听她的。

Please, Mom.|妈妈，请你走开。

Look at you, the two of you.|看吧，你们两个人。

- Go on, you're so in love with him. - Mom.|-继续说吧，你如此爱他。 -妈妈。

Can you hear that? Hear why I don't call?|你听到了吗？知道我昨天为什么不挂电话了吗？

Where was he your childhood?|你还记得你的童年是在哪里度过的吗？

- Where...? - Stop it! Just stop it!|-你是在哪里 ...? -别说了！别说了！

I just wanted to talk to him!|我只是想和爸爸说几句话！

You know, Lizzie, I'm at the end of my rope.|你知道利兹的，我已经竭尽全力了。

I've been working extra hours. I never go out.|我将节假的时间全部用来工作。我从未去休假。

I never buy clothes. I spend all our money on your therapy.|我从未买过衣服。我把所有的钱花在你的治疗费上。

All our money? Daddy pays, Mom.|我们的全部钱吗？爸爸也要支付的，妈妈。

==========================================================================
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You think he pays?|你认为他会付钱吗？

You think he's paying?|你认为他有为你的治疗付钱吗？

He doesn't pay one cent.|他没有支付一分钱。

Not one single red cent!|连一分钱都没有过！

That's not true.|那是不可能的。

Oh, you want me to show you? Huh? You wanna see?|噢，你想要我向你证明吗？嗯？你想要看看吗？

You want to see how much I'm paying, still paying...|你想要看看我为你支付了多少账单，还有多少没付...

...on your last term bill? Huh?|...就在你上个学期里？啊哈？

Here. Here, look at these. Look at these.|这里。这里，看这些。看这些。

- There, look at that, Lizzie. - I'm sorry, Mom.|-还有那里，看那，利兹。 -很抱歉，妈妈。

You wanna see how much I'm paying this Dr. Sterling?|你知道我为了请那个斯特林博士我得付多少帐吗？

I'm sorry.|对不起。

No, you're not gonna talk your way out of this.|不，你没必要跟我说这些。

Ask her who pays her!|你去问问她，是谁付钱请他她来的！

You know, it's my fault, for spoiling you the way I did.|你知道，这完全是我的错，我做的太多，宠坏了你。

I kill myself to get you to Harvard, and you come back looking like a zombie.|我自找苦吃的把你送到哈佛， 结果你回来看起来象一个恶魔。

I know. I'm sorry.|我知道。 对不起。

I'm so...|我太蠢了 ...

Why won't he?|他怎能这样做？

- Why won't he? - I know. I know, honey. I know.|-他怎能这样做？ -我知道。 我知道，宝贝儿。 我知道。

I hate myself, and I hate the things I do.|我憎恶自己，并且我憎恶我所做的一切。

Lizzie, it's all right. It's all right.|利兹，没关系。 没关系。

It's awful. It's so awful.|简直糟透了。乱透了。

And I hurt the people who love me.|我总是伤害那些爱我的人们。

But when he calls...|但是当他挂电话给我时 ...

My God, a party?|我的上帝，那是一个宴会吗？

And your stupid pear tart!|还有你的该死的梨果馅饼！

Why do you do this, Lizzie?|你为什么要这样做，利兹？

Because I'm not your goddamn monkey!|因为我不是你养的猴子！

I'm sorry, Mom, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry.|很抱歉，妈妈，我没说真话。对不起。

I didn't mean it.|我不是故意的。

I'm sorry.|对不起。

She threw the party for herself?|她为她自己准备的宴会吗？

No, I guess for Grandma.|不，是我猜为我的奶奶准备的。

Why would she want to do that?|她为什么要那样做？

To show her what a good little girl she was.|让他们看看她养了一个多么优秀的女儿。

That must really hurt.|那她一定很伤心。

    一个从小父母离异，在关系歇斯底里的气氛下成长的女孩。但是她有着异于一般人所没有的才情。喜欢用尖锐的利器划破自己的皮肤，让新鲜粘稠的血液依附在自己的表皮之上，在流血中体验快感。

    自虐。

    对她来说是一件极其不以为然的事情。这就是伊莉莎白‧伍兹尔。

    才华。

    年纪轻轻便就读哈佛大学新闻系。

    写作。

    对她而言是极其小菜一碟的事情。凌晨4点来时在打字机上敲敲打打，不顾及室友的感受而把摇滚乐开的震耳欲聋，她淡淡地说，音乐可以帮助我集中注意力。

    爱情。

    她的爱情是我看不懂的。很乱。很随便。但很自由。很心甘情愿。也很痛苦。那很显然不是我的方式。
    在迈向成功记者之路上，所经历的浮沉与挣扎；包括父母离异後期间的争执、大学生活的迷失，以及与抗忧郁药剂的一场战争。本片主要著眼於美国年轻新一代，在生活中精神上的挣扎与药物滥用造成的问题。
    哈佛大学毕业的美国女作家Elizabeth Wurtzel著有自传性的《Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America: A Memoir》一书，诉说美国年轻新一代Generation X生活中精神上的挣扎。